OMG He Did Not Just Say That!

Sometimes what a man says will be heard and received much differently than intended!

Many times we just have to shake our heads in amazement at things that come out of men’s mouths. They look at us with true confusion not knowing what they did wrong.

While working with clients throughout the years, I will share a few examples of men trying to win women over on first or second dates and things they never should have said:

  1. “Mr. Winky wants to come out and play.”

If you are on a first or second date and the man is telling you that Mr. Winky wants to come out and play seriously, you need to tell him to get some class and get to know you first; put Mr. Winky away!

2. “Man you were the only woman that responded to me on-line, I had given up. I sent out hundreds of letters to everyone, I had decided there must be something wrong with me.”

“Hello,” now you have made her feel desperate that she responded to someone nobody else would. What had she missed that everyone else had seen? You just marked both of you as losers!

3. “I was completely infatuated with the other women I have been serious about, I could never stop thinking about them it was a crazy feeling, but with you I am just so comfortable and relaxed.”

Obviously, he just made her feel like a buddy, she wanted him to be infatuated and feel crazy about her, what was he thinking? He never should have brought up the women from his past or compared his feelings. A way he could have handled this better, “ I am so comfortable and relaxed with you, I love it.”

4. “My ex was the most beautiful woman I have ever known.”

He just lost her with that one statement, if he is going to talk about his ex wife, ex girl friend etc as being the most beautiful or the best at anything nobody wants to compete with that, he is not over her yet. Do not talk about the “Ex” it is history, close the chapter and move on.

5. “I usually date young women, you’re the oldest woman I have dated but you look great.”

He was obviously trying to give her a compliment, but all she heard was “I like young women and, you are old!” He never should have brought up the fact he dated younger women, he should have just said, “You are so beautiful.”

6. When his date asked if he liked her hair the way she was wearing it he replied “ I noticed it was different I just thought you were having a bad hair day so I did not say anything.”

Okay this man needs serious help, enough said!

7. “So, do you think I look like my picture? It was taken a few years ago I may have changed a little?”

When you meet someone on a blind date and you have trouble finding them because they do not even resemble their picture, there is a big problem. If they ask you if they resemble the picture they know they do not! This is a huge issue with online dating, people do not put current and accurate photos up; I call it the “bait and switch approach.”

8. “I am looking for a purely physical relationship, if that works out, maybe we can think about an actual dating relationship.”

There are people out there that are interested in just “hookups” so this may work for them, but if you want a relationship that lasts, you need to start out by getting to know each other and building a firm foundation first.

9. “I have been separated for 4 years, my wife and I will get divorced if we find someone worth getting divorced for.”

There is no guarantee that anyone who has stayed in a separated state for 4 years and has dated will get divorced; you are playing with fire. There is a huge likelihood that they are comfortable in their situation and it allows them to date without commitment.

10. The man leans over and pinches his dates arm at the restaurant table and says, “ Don’t you think being toned is sexy? I think being toned is really sexy? Have you considered a trainer?”

This man was as subtle as a freight train telling the woman he thought she needed to work out. Never ever make a woman feel bad about her body; women are critical enough about themselves. If you love someone and you are dating long term make working out together a fun option.

Gentlemen, think about what you say and how it will be heard and received by the woman you are trying to win over.

What you want to say, and what is communicated is not always the same. In a successful relationship communication is KEY!

To help you become a better communicator contact Deni Abbie.

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